i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
