So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
