I wish I only lived at night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
