So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
