Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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