Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
