come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How external is "for external use only"?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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