her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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