worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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