No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
