p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
