Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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