Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
