Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
