is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
