so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
