he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
