are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
