I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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