His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
