You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
