So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
