its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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