My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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