the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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