I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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