I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
