After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
