He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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