Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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