Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no you cant smoke seaweed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
