At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
