every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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