Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
