I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
