I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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