I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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