I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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