It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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