you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
