Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
