dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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