I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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