i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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