or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
