real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
