I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
