Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
