you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
