I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
