I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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