You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
