and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
