Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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