he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
