I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize