I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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