Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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