Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
